Sleep

I miss sleep... I used to love it and have no trouble getting it. Now, I lye and wait and imagine how sweet the sensation of lulling off into serenity was. I think about all the different ways I could get to sleep... My first and most obvious conclusion is to run. Just run till you can run no further and collapse. But it doesn't end there. It never does. I collapse and stretch and then have to cook dinner, bathe, eat and clean up. Now I'm awake again... My efforts futile and my desire for sleep felt like the yearning for your next line. If sleep were a drug I would be in the hospital for withdrawals... Where the fuck is my methadone shot??!! Why must I lye here and suffer from lack of my sweet nectar the fruit of the gods??... Sleep.
I am amped from my run and energized from my calorie intake. No
sleep in sight and it's almost 11pm. I pop
in a movie, get on my jammies and turn off all the lights. But it doesn't help... It's almost midnight and I'm exhausted... I can't turn it off... My mind just keeps on rolling like an old camera reel that you think you saw once at a friends house, but can't quite remember. I close my eyes and feel them burn beneath the lids.
I try meditating. Visualizing myself in another place at a different time. When I was happy and didn't think so much. I didn't dwell on what was or what could have been... I just lived... and I was happy. The typing and rhythm of the key strokes is my lullaby. My lids are heavy and I drift... Off... To a place I love. Sleep.

Never underestimate what you are capable of!

Just when you think you have it all... it get's taken away from you. I told myself awhile back that I would never let my guard down again and I would never feel that way again. But I failed. The only person you have in life till the end is yourself. Take care of yourself and you will be able to carry yourself through many of life's obstacles. I am stronger and determined, lead by the solace that this too shall pass. This blog was started with the intention of inspiring the masses and giving people the motivation to get up and tackle life head on. Now, it's become a source of therapy for I know that I have no one reading and only hope that if they are it touches them somehow. 

If anything let my life motivate you to never underestimate what you are capable of. If you want to be a painter, pick up a brush and spend the time painting a landscape or portrait of your mother. If you want to be a writer, log everything that you can and study the greats. Find your voice and let your pen be the tool to reach out to the world. If you want to be active, get a pair of running shoes and start by walking on a nearby path. Enjoy the solitude of the day and watch everything around you. Notice life noticing you and be present in this day. You are but one of many, but it is you that makes all the difference in this world. Life is not without meaning and each and everyone of us has a very important role to play. I truly believe that we are all interconnected and that each and every life makes a difference... Only if that life is one that is applied and cared for. 

I run... I run to escape and I run to be free. No one can take that time away from me. It is mine. I can think clearly here and concentrate on the rhythm of my pace along side my heart beat. Just one more mile... Just a little faster. If I could I would run and just keep on running... But for now I will stay. For now I will be present. For now I will not cry and I will be at peace.